Monday, June 18, 2007
Monday, June 11, 2007
The story of the Chicken
Once upon a time, there was a large mountainside, where an eagle's nest rested. The eagle's nest contained four large eagle eggs. One day an earthquake rocked the mountain causing one of the eggs to roll down the mountain, to a chicken farm, located in the valley bellow. The chickens knew that they must protect and care for the eagle's egg, so an old hen volunteered to nature and raise the large egg. One day, the egg hatched and a beautiful eagle was born. Sadly, however, the eagle was raised to be a chicken. Soon, the eagle believed he was nothing more than a chicken.
The eagle loved his home and family, but his spirit cried out for more. While playing a game, on the farm one day, the eagle looked to the skies above and noticed a group of mighty eagles soaring in the skies. "Oh", the eagle cried, "I wish I could soar like those birds". The chickens roared with laughter, "You can not soar with those birds! you are a chicken and chickens do not soar".
The eagle continued staring, at his real family up above, dreaming that he could be with them. Each time, the eagle would let his dreams be known, he was told it couldn't be done and that is what the eagle learned to believe. The eagle, after time, stopped dreaming and continued to live his life like a chicken. Finally, after a long life as a chicken, the eagle passed away.
You become what you believe you are, so if you ever dream to become an eagle follow your dreams not the words of a chicken.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
I need some Space ........ what do they mean??
Ouch that line hurts! Those dreaded three words are shocking and confusing, especially when you think you're right in the midst of a budding relationship. Here's a guide to help you understand what they're really thinking - and what they're not when you're on the receiving end of this humdinger.
The status:
Forget an item, the two of you are a full-on, hand-holding couple. You've navigated the getting-to-know-you terrain and it's really going well - long weekends away, finishing each other's sentences - well. There's no doubt about it: this one is into you!
The statement:
Then, out of nowhere, they tell you, "I need some space!" Do you give them some permanent breathing room… or wait and see? Like most things, the answer depends on the context.
The simple answer:
If he says it, it's no secret that most guys aren't rock stars when it comes to expresssing their emotions. But that doesn't mean they don't have them - they just process feeling differently than women. When a guy is feeling claustrophobic in a relationship, he doesn't necessarily want it to end - he just wants to sort out his thoughts (er, feelings… just don't call them that!). Now, while this "love" thing might spark the desire to bond even more in many women, many men retreat to their "caves" when things get close. It's just what they do. John Gray devotes an entire chapter of Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus to it for a reason!
But here's the thing: according to most men, what they do is far more important than what they say. So if he asks for some space, but sets a date for dinner in a week, or says he'll call you Saturday, or offers any other direct commitment regarding the next time he'll see you, set your worries aside and take advantage of the time to yourself. If you're honest, you've probably let some things slide in the throes of love, too - you know, like your friendships, your work… and all the other uniquely "you" things you used to love to do before you met him. Instead of stressing about what's on his mind or what he needs, focus on yourself and start making other plans! There's nothing more attractive than a love interest with a dance card that's full...
The good news is, if you give a space-seeking guy what he asks for, most of the time he'll come back recharged, ready for love… He will only be completely clueless as to why you would be infuriated, hurt or confused. So don't be!
If your female love interest issues the "I need space," line, do much the same. Give her the space, and be very, very busy. She may be feeling closed in or feel (right or wrong) that you're being possessive and demanding of her time, or she may simply be overwhlemed by her own intense feelings for you. Give her the breathing room she asks for and remember that only time will tell if this relationship is the real deal. There's no harm in taking a breather, but there can be immense damage to the relationship by not honoring the others needs.
The other answer
If your space-seeker won't commit to anything down the road, they may be trying to let you down easy. Express that no matter what your love interest's intentions are, if it's a break up they want, they're not making things any easier by being anything other than straightforward. Then, if they are still unable to say that they're not ending things, odds are, they probably aren't. But don't push this issue until you've given them plenty of space to regroup.
The solution
Whether they're backing off for good or backing off for the good of the relationship, give your partner the breathing room they need. Chances are, they have no idea why they need space, and whatever the motives, overwhelming them now will only push them away. Focus on yourself in the meantime and you will be pleasantly surprised down the road - either when they comes back, or when you realize that the relationship wasn't really right for you anyhow.
Check back next week for more favorite lines in a relationship and what may loom behind them... or not!
The status:
Forget an item, the two of you are a full-on, hand-holding couple. You've navigated the getting-to-know-you terrain and it's really going well - long weekends away, finishing each other's sentences - well. There's no doubt about it: this one is into you!
The statement:
Then, out of nowhere, they tell you, "I need some space!" Do you give them some permanent breathing room… or wait and see? Like most things, the answer depends on the context.
The simple answer:
If he says it, it's no secret that most guys aren't rock stars when it comes to expresssing their emotions. But that doesn't mean they don't have them - they just process feeling differently than women. When a guy is feeling claustrophobic in a relationship, he doesn't necessarily want it to end - he just wants to sort out his thoughts (er, feelings… just don't call them that!). Now, while this "love" thing might spark the desire to bond even more in many women, many men retreat to their "caves" when things get close. It's just what they do. John Gray devotes an entire chapter of Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus to it for a reason!
But here's the thing: according to most men, what they do is far more important than what they say. So if he asks for some space, but sets a date for dinner in a week, or says he'll call you Saturday, or offers any other direct commitment regarding the next time he'll see you, set your worries aside and take advantage of the time to yourself. If you're honest, you've probably let some things slide in the throes of love, too - you know, like your friendships, your work… and all the other uniquely "you" things you used to love to do before you met him. Instead of stressing about what's on his mind or what he needs, focus on yourself and start making other plans! There's nothing more attractive than a love interest with a dance card that's full...
The good news is, if you give a space-seeking guy what he asks for, most of the time he'll come back recharged, ready for love… He will only be completely clueless as to why you would be infuriated, hurt or confused. So don't be!
If your female love interest issues the "I need space," line, do much the same. Give her the space, and be very, very busy. She may be feeling closed in or feel (right or wrong) that you're being possessive and demanding of her time, or she may simply be overwhlemed by her own intense feelings for you. Give her the breathing room she asks for and remember that only time will tell if this relationship is the real deal. There's no harm in taking a breather, but there can be immense damage to the relationship by not honoring the others needs.
The other answer
If your space-seeker won't commit to anything down the road, they may be trying to let you down easy. Express that no matter what your love interest's intentions are, if it's a break up they want, they're not making things any easier by being anything other than straightforward. Then, if they are still unable to say that they're not ending things, odds are, they probably aren't. But don't push this issue until you've given them plenty of space to regroup.
The solution
Whether they're backing off for good or backing off for the good of the relationship, give your partner the breathing room they need. Chances are, they have no idea why they need space, and whatever the motives, overwhelming them now will only push them away. Focus on yourself in the meantime and you will be pleasantly surprised down the road - either when they comes back, or when you realize that the relationship wasn't really right for you anyhow.
Check back next week for more favorite lines in a relationship and what may loom behind them... or not!
Thursday, May 24, 2007
How to Successfully Negotiate in a Relationship
Communicating with the one you love can be one of the biggest challenges in life. Do you ever feel like a doormat in your relationship? If you are getting stepped on instead of stepping up, it's time to refocus and find a way to bring you and your partner together at the bargaining table.
"We need to talk..."
These can be the dreaded four words of doom which nearly everyone has either uttered or heard from their partner. Someone's in trouble and it's time to "have it out." This initiation into discussion is already so strong, it's going to be hard for either party to communicate effectively.
Every couple "has" to talk all the time. That's what being a couple is - intimate communication. So, open up the channels and tell each other things you love about each other. And when things come up talk about them. Deciding to table an issue while you are visiting your in-laws is one thing, but dropping this bomb in the middle of your anniversary dinner is just not good thinking.
When it is time to talk, approach your partner with an open hand. Phrases like, "I just want to check in and see if you experience this, too." Or "I want to know how I can listen to you better because it seems like we aren't talking as much."
You are a team, so bring the other person toward you by opening with phrases like these when you communicate.
Make deals you can both live with
The ability to negotiate with your lover for a life you both want to live is paramount to a successful relationship. In our complicated world, many couples find themselves choosing not just "your place or mine" but what state to live in. With internet dating and job searching increasing, the chance that you may fall in love out of state, or be attracted to a company that requires you to relocate are greater than ever. That means, many couples have to pick a new address together to stay together. This can mean a lot of time at the "bargaining table."
Remember, your relationship is not a business. Offering and counter offering are not strategies to build a "lifetime together" on. Listening and offering solutions is a way of love. If your partner makes a big request - like relocating - what does that mean for you and what does it mean for your relationship? Take the time you need for yourself to search your heart and then go to your partner and talk together about your decision as a couple.
Practice saying yes
There are a few deal-breakers for everyone. But most day-to-day things are just that - the day to day of sharing your life with someone you love. Say yes to tolerance, love and patience. Say yes to gentleness and forgiveness. Say what you need and want and allow it to come to you by being it for yourself.
"What about negotiating for sex?"
Don't close the bedroom doors just because things are getting old. Lure your partner in with a new and innovative sexy bedroom motif and lots of fun toys to play with.
(I will address this problem again in more detail later in the week)
No matter what you are negotiating, remember to always say "yes" to listening, understanding and love. All the rest will follow.
"We need to talk..."
These can be the dreaded four words of doom which nearly everyone has either uttered or heard from their partner. Someone's in trouble and it's time to "have it out." This initiation into discussion is already so strong, it's going to be hard for either party to communicate effectively.
Every couple "has" to talk all the time. That's what being a couple is - intimate communication. So, open up the channels and tell each other things you love about each other. And when things come up talk about them. Deciding to table an issue while you are visiting your in-laws is one thing, but dropping this bomb in the middle of your anniversary dinner is just not good thinking.
When it is time to talk, approach your partner with an open hand. Phrases like, "I just want to check in and see if you experience this, too." Or "I want to know how I can listen to you better because it seems like we aren't talking as much."
You are a team, so bring the other person toward you by opening with phrases like these when you communicate.
Make deals you can both live with
The ability to negotiate with your lover for a life you both want to live is paramount to a successful relationship. In our complicated world, many couples find themselves choosing not just "your place or mine" but what state to live in. With internet dating and job searching increasing, the chance that you may fall in love out of state, or be attracted to a company that requires you to relocate are greater than ever. That means, many couples have to pick a new address together to stay together. This can mean a lot of time at the "bargaining table."
Remember, your relationship is not a business. Offering and counter offering are not strategies to build a "lifetime together" on. Listening and offering solutions is a way of love. If your partner makes a big request - like relocating - what does that mean for you and what does it mean for your relationship? Take the time you need for yourself to search your heart and then go to your partner and talk together about your decision as a couple.
Practice saying yes
There are a few deal-breakers for everyone. But most day-to-day things are just that - the day to day of sharing your life with someone you love. Say yes to tolerance, love and patience. Say yes to gentleness and forgiveness. Say what you need and want and allow it to come to you by being it for yourself.
"What about negotiating for sex?"
Don't close the bedroom doors just because things are getting old. Lure your partner in with a new and innovative sexy bedroom motif and lots of fun toys to play with.
(I will address this problem again in more detail later in the week)
No matter what you are negotiating, remember to always say "yes" to listening, understanding and love. All the rest will follow.
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