I need some Space ........ what do they mean??

Ouch that line hurts! Those dreaded three words are shocking and confusing, especially when you think you're right in the midst of a budding relationship. Here's a guide to help you understand what they're really thinking - and what they're not when you're on the receiving end of this humdinger.

The status:
Forget an item, the two of you are a full-on, hand-holding couple. You've navigated the getting-to-know-you terrain and it's really going well - long weekends away, finishing each other's sentences - well. There's no doubt about it: this one is into you!

The statement:
Then, out of nowhere, they tell you, "I need some space!" Do you give them some permanent breathing room… or wait and see? Like most things, the answer depends on the context.

The simple answer:
If he says it, it's no secret that most guys aren't rock stars when it comes to expresssing their emotions. But that doesn't mean they don't have them - they just process feeling differently than women. When a guy is feeling claustrophobic in a relationship, he doesn't necessarily want it to end - he just wants to sort out his thoughts (er, feelings… just don't call them that!). Now, while this "love" thing might spark the desire to bond even more in many women, many men retreat to their "caves" when things get close. It's just what they do. John Gray devotes an entire chapter of Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus to it for a reason!

But here's the thing: according to most men, what they do is far more important than what they say. So if he asks for some space, but sets a date for dinner in a week, or says he'll call you Saturday, or offers any other direct commitment regarding the next time he'll see you, set your worries aside and take advantage of the time to yourself. If you're honest, you've probably let some things slide in the throes of love, too - you know, like your friendships, your work… and all the other uniquely "you" things you used to love to do before you met him. Instead of stressing about what's on his mind or what he needs, focus on yourself and start making other plans! There's nothing more attractive than a love interest with a dance card that's full...

The good news is, if you give a space-seeking guy what he asks for, most of the time he'll come back recharged, ready for love… He will only be completely clueless as to why you would be infuriated, hurt or confused. So don't be!

If your female love interest issues the "I need space," line, do much the same. Give her the space, and be very, very busy. She may be feeling closed in or feel (right or wrong) that you're being possessive and demanding of her time, or she may simply be overwhlemed by her own intense feelings for you. Give her the breathing room she asks for and remember that only time will tell if this relationship is the real deal. There's no harm in taking a breather, but there can be immense damage to the relationship by not honoring the others needs.

The other answer
If your space-seeker won't commit to anything down the road, they may be trying to let you down easy. Express that no matter what your love interest's intentions are, if it's a break up they want, they're not making things any easier by being anything other than straightforward. Then, if they are still unable to say that they're not ending things, odds are, they probably aren't. But don't push this issue until you've given them plenty of space to regroup.

The solution
Whether they're backing off for good or backing off for the good of the relationship, give your partner the breathing room they need. Chances are, they have no idea why they need space, and whatever the motives, overwhelming them now will only push them away. Focus on yourself in the meantime and you will be pleasantly surprised down the road - either when they comes back, or when you realize that the relationship wasn't really right for you anyhow.

Check back next week for more favorite lines in a relationship and what may loom behind them... or not!

How to Successfully Negotiate in a Relationship

Communicating with the one you love can be one of the biggest challenges in life. Do you ever feel like a doormat in your relationship? If you are getting stepped on instead of stepping up, it's time to refocus and find a way to bring you and your partner together at the bargaining table.

"We need to talk..."
These can be the dreaded four words of doom which nearly everyone has either uttered or heard from their partner. Someone's in trouble and it's time to "have it out." This initiation into discussion is already so strong, it's going to be hard for either party to communicate effectively.

Every couple "has" to talk all the time. That's what being a couple is - intimate communication. So, open up the channels and tell each other things you love about each other. And when things come up talk about them. Deciding to table an issue while you are visiting your in-laws is one thing, but dropping this bomb in the middle of your anniversary dinner is just not good thinking.

When it is time to talk, approach your partner with an open hand. Phrases like, "I just want to check in and see if you experience this, too." Or "I want to know how I can listen to you better because it seems like we aren't talking as much."

You are a team, so bring the other person toward you by opening with phrases like these when you communicate.

Make deals you can both live with
The ability to negotiate with your lover for a life you both want to live is paramount to a successful relationship. In our complicated world, many couples find themselves choosing not just "your place or mine" but what state to live in. With internet dating and job searching increasing, the chance that you may fall in love out of state, or be attracted to a company that requires you to relocate are greater than ever. That means, many couples have to pick a new address together to stay together. This can mean a lot of time at the "bargaining table."

Remember, your relationship is not a business. Offering and counter offering are not strategies to build a "lifetime together" on. Listening and offering solutions is a way of love. If your partner makes a big request - like relocating - what does that mean for you and what does it mean for your relationship? Take the time you need for yourself to search your heart and then go to your partner and talk together about your decision as a couple.

Practice saying yes
There are a few deal-breakers for everyone. But most day-to-day things are just that - the day to day of sharing your life with someone you love. Say yes to tolerance, love and patience. Say yes to gentleness and forgiveness. Say what you need and want and allow it to come to you by being it for yourself.

"What about negotiating for sex?"
Don't close the bedroom doors just because things are getting old. Lure your partner in with a new and innovative sexy bedroom motif and lots of fun toys to play with.
(I will address this problem again in more detail later in the week)

No matter what you are negotiating, remember to always say "yes" to listening, understanding and love. All the rest will follow.

Find your Dream Date by their sign

Are you pondering how to get the attention of a hottie who caught your eye? Then do your homework and find out what sign your love interest is before asking them out. Now arm yourself with insight into that sign's perfect date! The stars, can give you a lot of insight about a person's likes and dislikes because, after all, what works for a sultry Scorpio might scare the begeezes out of a home-loving Cancer. Here are some astrologically correct ways to avoid dating disasters and ensure your encounter is a sizzling success.

Aries: Rams Like it Hot
Rams are impetuous and fiery creatures. They thrive on excitement. If you're planning a date, consider an activity that involves a little bit of adventure. Break a sweat on a difficult hiking trail, then grab some Ethiopian fare where you get to eat with your hands. By the way, don't worry about being a little sweaty, your Aries won't mind. Oh, and don't forget to play hard to get since most Aries prefer to be the cat rather than the mouse. These types can also come on strong so don't be surprised if they swoop in for a kiss before the date concludes. Yeooowza!

Taurus: Lover of the Finer Things in Life
Ruled by Venus, your Taurus will appreciate the finer tastes of life. Bring them flowers and make the bouquet consist of Gerber daisies or Sunflowers rather than cheap carnations or boring roses. For dinner, take them to a fine dining establishment replete with tablecloths, soft (hip) music and romantic lighting. Taurus loves soft, sexy fabrics that feel good against the skin, so leave your favorite jeans in the closet and reach for a silky skirt or shirt instead. Once you're alone, don't be afraid to let your intentions known in a tender, firm manner.

Gemini: Social Butterfly
Your Gemini date is verbal, quick-witted and impulsive. They expect you to be the same. The twins don't do boring. Escort them to an underground book reading, energetic concert or poetry slam session. Then walk the streets until you spontaneously find a quaint little bar where you can sip mojitos and engage in mental banter. Always stay on your toes and ask a lot of questions. If you want to really romp later, you'll have to make stimulating mental love first.

Cancer: Domestic Bliss
To impress your Cancer and lure them come out of their shell, you must show a nurturing, attentive nature. Bust out a cookbook and invite them over for a candlelit meal. Too much stimulation in a public place can backfire with a sensitive crab. Make sure your place feels cozy and warm. The more you fuss over them, the more they will trust your intentions. Ask: "Are you okay?" or "Is there anything you need?" a lot. Consider yourself warned, Cancers go with their own flow. Meaning, these water signs are moody. So make sure you pay attention to the feelings behind their words and don't come on too strong.

Leo: King of the Jungle
You're dealing with the King of the Jungle here. Meaning, your Leo date needs to be wined and dined and taken out in high style. Factor in a little bit of drama for good measure - invite them to a loud concert or theatrical production followed by the hippest new late-night eatery. Be sure to discuss culture, politics and the most recent worldly events. While you're at it, don't forget to pet their mane (read: ego) by dousing them with compliments and making sure they get to speak most of the time. Play with their hair and whisper into their ear to make them purr with pleasure now, and roar for you later.

Virgo: Willing and Wise
If you're planning a date with a Virgo make sure you appear fresh and polished! Shower, use Q-tips and iron your shirt or dress. These perfectionists won't tolerate slovenliness. These virgins (who aren't really virgins) are also conscientious about their health, so take them to your gym for a tag-team workout and then to a healthy Vegan restaurant. Over a desert of soy ice cream and goji berries ask if they'd be willing to organize your office or help you draft an important email. That will really get their attention since this service-oriented sign is often attracted to people who need their help. But don't be fooled, they can be sexy beasts in the bedroom.

Check back next Friday for the rest of the Zodiac signs…

Part ll of The art of lingerei and astrology

The second installment of our pretty lingerie series highlights what's steamy for dreamy Pisces, tomboy Scorpio, sultry Libra and more. See how your sun sign can guide you to be your best... all under!

This month Special

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Loosing a Soulmate... how to cope.

Losing a soulmate is truly devastating. You thought you had met your match. You finally found the person with whom you had planned to share your entire life. Then one day the relationship ends. The pain can seem like it will never go away.

Losing someone with whom we have achieved great happiness, whether through death or the end of a relationship, is something we may all have to deal with in our lifetime. This doesn't lessen the blow in any way. Words alone cannot describe, and should not describe, this kind of loss. Attempting to get over someone overnight only dismisses deep feelings you have. You will never get over it. Instead, grow with the loss. Create a mental shrine, a special place for the memories that you have and will always have.

We all suffer, but how we choose to cope sets our journey. There are no magic words or super-drugs to make things okay overnight. Continuing with life is a moment-by-moment, day-by-day, week-by-week process. The thing to remember is that anyone who has loved us would never want us to cease our lives in their absence. Time makes the future easier and memories make us stronger.

A reading with Ms. Laura will help you live with your losses through understanding and the hope of brighter tomorrows.

Where Men and Women differ...

As modern women enter more and more male-dominated arenas, women are often told to be more like men. But when it comes to having happy, healthy relationships, men can learn a lot from the fairer sex. Here are our top three things men can learn from women.

Pay Attention
Women are looked at as the more sensitive, thoughtful gender. "Women's intuition" is considered an almost paranormal ability to see things men don't. Yet without even tapping into their psychic gifts, women have an edge on men when it comes to insight: because they pay attention.

Women are often more interested in personal relationships, so they tend to observe other people more closely and listen more actively. By hearing and remembering interpersonal details, women develop a greater for understanding of the people around them.

How many men have heard the same criticism a thousand times: "Why don't you listen to me?" What their partner really means is, "Why don't you pay attention to what I'm saying?"

Men need to learn from women that paying attention isn't a passive process. It's about being engaged enough to understand what's being said, remember it and act on it in the future. If you're confused or disinterested in what your partner is saying, don't tune out. Make a conscious effort to engage yourself in what she's saying by asking questions or contributing to the conversation.

Slow Down
Because women are so interested in the details of interpersonal relationships, they often recognize that the complexities of life require a great deal of patience.

Men are notorious for trying to "fix" problems. Women, on the other hand, often deliberately take time to vent about a problem and analyze it from many angles before taking action.

Men are often applauded for their ambition and drive to get things done. But they can learn a lesson from women about how to balance the need for speed with the desire to do things right. Women tend to show more patience with people and situations, and in the end, that can mean they find better, more long-lasting solutions.

When confronted with issues, your first instinct as a man may be the need to take action. When that happens, pay attention and ask yourself, Why do I need an immediate solution? Is there time to do more research, ask more questions and find a better answer?

By becoming more aware of how you react to problems, you will allow yourself more opportunities for thoughtful analysis and planning.

Cry! Laugh! Pout! Smile!
Men are often teased for not being in touch with their "softer side." The truth is, even men who are very connected with their emotions are often uncomfortable expressing them outwardly. Unfortunately, men know that society frowns upon them showing the same emotions as women -- men who are "too" sad, happy or angry are often considered effeminate.

But by not allowing themselves to express emotion, men are just missing out! If men can learn to express their feelings like women, they will be freer to enjoy the rich emotional texture of life.

Next time you're upset, open up to a good friend. You may be surprised by how good it feels to have someone to lean on.

Do you love the one your with?

You know you're in love because you say it every day. You do in-love things together and make in-love plans. You probably spend a lot of energy making sure your partner is in love with you. But how do you really know?

A loving relationship is a beautiful thing - when it's forged for the right reasons. Unfortunately, it's all too often that months or years go by before we realize we've been hanging on to something that wasn't what it appeared to be. Don't reduce love to a habit. Ask yourself a few fundamental questions to see if those three little words still ring true.

1. Is there fun in the ordinary?
When the marathon of hot nights and candlelit dinners is a thing of the past, will you still dig the present? Don't be fooled by fleeting thrills. It's important that she's as exciting curled up on the couch as she is ripping it up on the dancefloor…because when 50 is behind you, you'll be looking at some very different moves. It may take two to tango, but it takes the right two to make a strong finish.

The test is in the little moments. Anyone can get swept away on a weekend retreat. When you have a blast laughing over burnt breakfast, you know you're onto something good.

2. Forget love. Are you in like?
Sure, you enjoy the usual sweetheart perks: companionship, compliments, sex. But do you really like your partner? It might seem like a given, but many a wayward romantic gets lost in a romance with someone who doesn't have those basic qualities she respects. Ask yourself: would your assessment of your other half impress his friends? Could it land her a job? When you're in like, you respect your partner's integrity, admire his choices and in important ways, want to be more like him. With as much time as the two of you are likely to spend together, your partner is going to rub off on you. Make sure he rubs you the right way.

3. Does your mate bring out the best in you?
If you can be yourself around your love, and you truly enjoy the experience, you're probably onto something real. According to Dr. Steven, Head of the Department of Psychology at the Open University in the UK, being in love has a lot to do with what it does to us: "It's when we're in love, when we feel desired that we really begin to feel excited... engaged with living. The great potential of love is that it enables us to try to overcome our existential aloneness, to try to connect fully with another human being."

If you're spending your time trying to please your lover, or worse, to earn their love, you may be missing the point. Sure, relationships are work, and it's important (and pleasurable!) to try and make our partners happy, but there's a fairly uncompromising bottom line: your relationship should enrich your life.

The truly gratifying part of the act of love is not just how much you like your partner; it's how much you like who you are when you're together. If you can be happy, be inspired and be yourself, you're probably on the right track. Love may make you say and do a lot of crazy things, but true love makes you love being you.